“Everyone comes with baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.” — Anonymous
Imagine this. I tell you I’m going to take you on a journey, a trip if you will, and that we will see some amazing sights. All I want you to do is show up because I have everything covered. So, you arrive ready to go. I ask you to get into the back seat of my car, stretch out your legs and relax. You comply and get settled in.
As you nuzzle into the seat and make yourself comfortable, you notice that I jump into the back seat with you. You look puzzled and say, “Who will drive the car?” I say, “Don’t worry. I totally have this covered. I will have my 7-year-old daughter drive us to our destination.”
If you were any sane person, you would say, “Are you frickin’ kidding me? If we let your daughter drive, she will definitely crash and possibly kill us.” And yet, as silly as that analogy is, many people allow their inner child full of fears and old belief systems to take the driver’s seat in their lives. That child is controlling and loud. However, she/he is loud for a reason. He has been trying to get your attention for many years.
We need to find a way to comfort that child so they can release their death grip on the steering wheel of life and let go of controlling the show. But how does one find the tools to get that child to let go, so you can buckle them safely into the back seat, and give them a coloring book and crayons to occupy them for the journey?
Think of this blog as a journey into your Self. On this journey, you will unpack and unlearn outdated Belief Systems so you can take control and enjoy a grand adventure into your new life.
Now let’s delve deep into unpacking your excess baggage. This is a condensed version of the full twelve-page document. So, if you don’t understand what I am trying to say, click the link to go straight to the YouTube video here https://youtu.be/G6FTHZRv4uk
OK, let’s get started. You only get to bring 8 items and “identifying” is the first. It all begins when you notice a situation that is triggering you.
Step 1) Identify: What is a problem you are dealing with now?
Do you become triggered when a certain person says a certain thing? Do you continue to attract a certain situation over and over and over again? For example, do you attract the same kind of relationship, or friend who is a taker? Are you burned out, stressed out and overwhelmed with your life? Do people treat you a certain way that you would like to change? Whatever your situation is, write it down.
Step 2) If it’s Hysterical it’s Historical. If it’s Hysterical, it’s Historical. Meaning, if I am experiencing a big emotion, it usually stems from something that has happened from my past. For example, if someone shoots me a certain look and I have intense negative emotion that his triggered by it, chances are someone, like my mother, gave me that look when I was in trouble and now, I am experiencing that same feeling I felt in childhood. If you think you don’t know, ask yourself what if you did know? Write it down.
Step 3) What did I make the Belief System mean about me?
People often cling to habituated beliefs about themselves even when new events occur that might cause them to reconsider or re-evaluate their beliefs. They tend to remain embedded in the groove of their old self-referencing thoughts and patterns. These beliefs and images typically are born out of early experiences from childhood and continue to define the way we see ourselves and block out opportunities for positive change. Every single one of us has had something painful happen to us in childhood. A friend rejected us, a parent scolded us, we might have failed a test, and that event caused a Belief System to form. We then created a story around that belief and made that experience mean something negative about us or the world or both. Thoughts like “I am not good enough,” “I am dirty,” or “life is hard and I have to do everything myself” are typical examples. The trick would be not to make that story mean anything. However, when we are children, we don’t know any better because, at that age, everything is about us.
When we can identify our BS, then we have the power to change the future for the better.
Now it’s time to complete your Step 3. In Step 2, you wrote down what happened to you in the past and the first time you can remember it happening. If it’s hysterical, it’s historical. For Step 3, I want you to decide what you made that experience mean about you. I’m not…(enough, lovable, etc.) and the world is… (punishing, cruel, not safe, etc.) Write it down.
Step 4) What is the consequence of your belief?
Of course, there are consequences of your belief. This could be having financial crisis or debt, it could affect you through personal relationships, your self-esteem, your health, or something else. What areas of your life does your Belief System affect you? Write them down.
Step 5) What is my payoff of my belief?
It could be as simple as “I feel good about being right!” You’d be surprised at what we will do to keep living in that old life/lie so we don’t have to move on. There is a definite payoff in thinking negatively. It’s like our emotional hit of heroin. However, when you come down from the high that payoff provides, you have to create more drama or another big emotion so you can get that hit again. Our goal is to identify the payoff of the old belief or pattern so we can get you out of this unhealthy cycle and moving on into your beautiful new life.
Do your best to quickly identify the old BS so you can move out of it and into the solution. That brings us to Step 6. Let’s create a new belief!
Step 6) What is my new Belief?
To create your new belief, let’s look for the opposite of the old one. For example, if your belief is “I am not enough and the world is punishing,” write down the opposite of that. You could write, “I am enough and the world is a safe place.” At first you will think, “BS…! Literally, Bullshit! That’s not true.” However, you can get your mind to agree with you by asking yourself “why” questions to help with the process. What are these “why” questions? Success coach Noah St. John calls them Afformations®.
A typical affirmation might be “I am enough.” An afformation, however, is a why questions about the statement. By asking yourself, “Why am I enough?” you move past all the filters of the mind, past the need to prove anything to yourself, and get directly into the unconscious. Why? Because the brain LOVES to solve problems. So, what are your New Beliefs? What are your new “Why” questions? Write them down.
Step 7) What is my solution?
Now we are getting you out of your story and into a solution. Remember that the brain LOVES to solve problems. When you ask your brain what your solution is, at first it will say ”I don’t know.” Give it a minute, and soon the answers will start flooding in. What is the solution to your challenge? Write it down.
Once your solution is clear, we want to move into, “What would my life look like if I were living in the solution?” For example, I used to work with professional athletes. Sometimes I would videotape their games. Once their game was over, we would immediately watch the footage. We would see the mistakes they had made. Once the mistake was identified, I would immediately ask them, “What could you have done to prevent that.” They would write down the answer.
When we had finished writing down all of the solutions, I would have each athlete visualize their solution and how they would have liked to perform. This visualization exercise works wonders.
Step 8) Write down your solutions and what you want your life to look like. Write it in present time as if it has already happened.
When you talk in present time, you begin to plant the seeds of your new reality into your unconscious mind. You have lived your old lie for so long that, if you don’t plant new seeds, you will immediately revert back to your old life. When you visualize, you tell your brain, “This is what I want. Get to work on this.” It will and you will be amazed at your progress.
We have now taken you through this simple 8-step process that has moved you past the barrier of a big emotion through the other side to your powerful new self! Remember, this is a lot to take it. Again, here is the video to help guide you through if you need. https://youtu.be/G6FTHZRv4uk
And remember. You don’t have to do this alone. We are going to work this out together!